


Collision

by GillyJeans21



Category: Sex Education (TV)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-23
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-13 22:09:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 14,590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29658054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GillyJeans21/pseuds/GillyJeans21
Summary: Unbearable pain can saw you in two. Hurt you and drag you down. It was a routine appointment, they were supposed to talk. "Let's get tea Jean, we can talk". He was ready, she was desperate. Things were supposed to get better. He couldn't leave them all behind.
Relationships: Jean Milburn/Jakob Nyman
Comments: 3
Kudos: 39





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Work in progress, a slightly darker and angst story with some tears. 
> 
> Staying with my character names used previously although with no relation to other works - Elena is Jakobs eldest daughter. 
> 
> Based off the paparazzi pictures of Jean and Jakob at the hospital, Jean is pregnant her and Jakob are not together though.

Hot burning fire, searing, sparking, spreading through his body. The pain so unbearable, his vision blurred, darkness flickering, he felt sick, so sick, like someone had reached down his throat and was pulling his stomach back up, forcing it out. White hot tears stung his eyes, never falling but burning. It burned. The pain, a fire within him. Ringing in his ears, loud and intrusive. A car horn, blaring, the car. A car. Her voice. A sweet melody, her breath against his face. She was clinging to his hand, but he couldn’t grasp her. She was disappearing. His girls…he couldn’t do this to them. Her, his girls. He tried to hold on. To her, her voice, but the pain brought blackness, his breath broken, trying, he did. He tried…his wife. No, she called him. It was dark, but she was light…glowing. Her voice. Their voices. The voices disappearing. 

The room was dull and plain. Walls washed white, a small window offering minimal lighting, a small sofa and two plastic chairs. A little round table in the corner with plastic flowers, and a painting that looked as though it was completed by a child. 

“It smells like death”

“Elena!” 

Ola snapped at her older sister, her voice breaking, words caught in her throat. Her breathing laboured. 

“Girls” 

Jean’s voice was soft, calm. Too calm. Like nothing had sunk in. She placed a hand on Ola’s knee, sighing when Ola covered it with her own. She glanced at Elena, the girl she met only a few hours ago. 

“I don’t like the smell” 

“Neither do I El” 

“It’s bleach” 

Otis looked up from his chair, he didn’t know what else to say. He didn’t like the smell either. 

“They use bleach to cover the smell of death” Elena mumbled. 

Ola rose, so fast she looked distorted. She shook, like a flimsy tree in the wind, ready to snap. 

“Stop! Stop Elena” 

Jean reached for Ola’s shaky hand, the room falling silent. Like time stopped, except the clock on the wall still ticked. Tick tock tick tock. Ola sat, holding Jean’s hand. She reached out to her sister, entwining her other hand with hers. A silent apology between them. 

“Mum” 

Jean’s heart clenched, Otis voice so small and timid. Guilt in his beautiful blue eyes.

“Yes darling” 

It seemed right to say something, anything. The silence was deafening. Hurt and heartbreak filled the room. He watched his mum caress her bump. It was a routine appointment; they were at a stupid routine appointment. 

“I…I…”

Jean smiled, her eyes watery and scared, her puffy lip quivering, her face pale. She shook her head softly. Otis words, no matter how meaningful, wouldn’t solve anything. 

“It’s okay Otis” 

He nodded, the silence settling once more. 

She couldn’t breathe, the air in the room was suffocating. The stupid clock kept ticking, but nothing happened. 

Why don’t you guys take a seat in here, someone will be through shortly. 

Why did they have to sit? Why did they have to sit in silence while that god damn clock ticked, time moving forward. She couldn’t, she couldn’t move forward. She couldn’t breathe. Panic rose in her chest, her hand sweating in Ola’s hand, tears falling fast. Why did they burn so much? She had to stay calm, for Ola. She was the big sister, she had to be calm. Her chest tightened; she wasn’t calm. Why, why were they here again? 

“Elena?” 

“I…I…can’t…”

Jean moved, she moved to Elena, crouching awkwardly to the floor, her bump grazing her knees. She held her hands, looked into her eyes. Big and brown, glittered with flecks of blue. So much like her dad. Jean choked on a sob, pushing it down. She had to control herself, she needed to calm Elena. 

“Darling…squeeze my hands, your safe…you’re not alone okay. Take a deep breathe. Look at me, look at me sweetheart. We’re going to breath together, one…. two…. Breath, in and out, that’s it.” 

“Jean…I…” 

“It’s okay…just let it out” 

She cried, sobbed a stream. Flowing uncontrollably, her body vibrating against Jean, clinging to the protection she offered. She smelt like perfume…she smelt safe. She could even make out the faint hint of her dad’s cologne. She held tighter, fists bunching in Jean’s kimono, wetting the collar with her tears. 

“I don’t know how to live without him” Elena cried. 

Jean felt her own tears spill, the salty taste on her lip. Ola’s own choked hiccups growing louder from her confinement of her own sleeved arm covering her eyes. 

“Girls…”

His girls, broken and afraid, holding onto Jean as their individual tears mingled, cheek to cheek as eyes silently prayed. It hurt, so bad. A pain that sliced them in two. 

The plain white room felt smaller than before. The four walls closing in, the sky outside growing grey. The faint patter of rain against the window. Otis swore the plastic plant wilted under the misery. He didn’t know how to help, who to hold or what to say. His sad eyes watched as his mum tried to hold herself together for the girls, each tucked under her arms, both with a hand on their unborn sibling. He moved his chair closer, the rubber stoppers squeaking on the floor. He wasn’t sure what affect it would have, he didn’t know why, but the girls’ eyes told him they appreciated the extra protection. Maybe from the ever closing four walls that wouldn’t let them breath. 

Muffled chatter entered the silence from a distant. Footsteps closing in from the corridor outside. Each one held their breath as the door slowly opened with a creak. Sympathetic eyes met theirs. 

“Oh god” Ola sobbed. 

She had seen those eyes before, the sorrow, the almost robotic way in which a doctor approached bad news. Years of repetition. Meeting with the family, sombre eyes but a monotone voice. To the point, no stopping, just words rolling from their lips, handing the family to a nurse to be taken to another room to face their worst fear head on. The moment when reality really hit. She couldn’t do this again…she couldn’t, she wasn’t strong enough. 

The doctor looked up.

“I’m sorry…”


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flashback to what happened before the waiting room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hold tight guys, it's emotional.

The hospital hours before

_The appointment had gone well, the added check up’s put Jean’s mind at ease. Despite things between herself and Jakob not being perfect, she was grateful for his presence at every appointment. They had never not spoken since she revealed her pregnancy, but things had certainly had there tense moments. Today though, something seemed to have shifted. Maybe it was the three-D scan of their baby that filled both their eyes with tears that softened their emotions and made them realise the other was important even if they weren’t a couple. Maybe it was just the warm spring day. Either way, Jean was happy the Jakob was happy._

_They walked towards the exit, Jakob walking slightly ahead, his legs far longer than hers. She couldn’t help but admire this tight bum in his jeans, the way his hips wiggled slightly with each step. She knew her chance was gone, he had made that clear, even after her pregnancy reveal he had insisted on being there for the baby, but it only made them co-parents. She had felt a brief flicker of hope when he promised to support her, but quickly accepted her opportunity to have him was gone. It still hurt five months later, her heart still clenching whenever they visited the doctors or talked on the phone, but she had to let him be happy, even if it killed her inside._

_It was the screeching tires that first alerted her to the car, the overwhelming smell of burnt rubber and the blaring of the horn. It happened so quickly she didn’t even remember moving out the way. It was only when she saw Jakob, partially under the car that she realised he had moved her, his reaction quicker. He had been mid-sentence, something about getting tea, about talking. His eyes had locked with hers, sparkling bright blue orbs, he had turned to her and then he was there, holding her, pushing her, his weight against her, on hand on her shoulder the other on her bump. He pushed her harder, he shouted…he shouted her name, pushed hard enough to make her stumble backwards._

_He hit the bonnet, flung like a rag doll in the air before crashing back down, the car stopping only when it hit the bollard. His face to the ground, arm awkwardly out to the side. Somehow the car had stopped before fully crushing him. Blood covered his face, the ground and the bumper._

_She screamed, ears ringing from her own screams and the blare of the horn that wouldn’t stop. She held her bump, ignored the person that came to help when he told her not to move. Her back hurt, her arm, her shoulder. She felt no blood, no dangerous pain. She crawled towards him, his eyes searching for hers, watery but never crying. His lips moved but made no sound. She sobbed, cried for him, held him, cradling his head, stroked his beard. Why did she tell him she hated the beard, she had no place, she loved him bearded or not?_

_“Jakob…Jakob stay with me…it’s okay, don’t leave me. Our baby needs you, your girls…Jakob I need you. I’m broken without you. I love you, I’m sorry, I love you, don’t leave me…I can’t do this alone, your babies…please Jakob, look at me…no, no don’t close your damn eyes, don’t give up on me please Jakob”_

_She sobbed, chest heaving with every strangled breath. Heart racing, palms sweaty. She cried into the chest of the friendly stranger as he helped her to her feet, squeezed his hand has she was sat in a wheelchair, watching as the fire department arrived to help. Sobbed when they ripped open his shirt, screamed when they wheeled her inside, the kind stranger no longer holding her hand._

_***_

_“Jean, Jean…everything is okay with the baby”_

_“Huh?”_

_“You’re in shock Jean, just take some deep breaths”_

_She forgot how she got there, like de ja vu she was back on the table, her dress bunched around her chest, a sheet covering her lower half as the nurse wiped off the gel._

_“The baby?”_

_“Yes Jean, babies okay”_

_“Oh…Ja…Jakob?”_

_The teras fell faster than she could handle, her breathing becoming laboured once more as she tried to escape the table._

_“Jean, you can’t leave yet, the doctor needs to check on you”_

_“No, no…I need to see Jakob”_

_“You can’t, you had a nasty fall”_

_“Please”_

_“Jean”_

_She calmed reluctantly, thoughts of harming the baby with her fear suddenly making her pause. She held her stomach, still faintly sticky with gel. Her whole body hurt._

_“You fell on your arm and shoulder” The nurse informed._

_Jean didn’t realise until she spoke that she was slowly caressing her side. Faintly remembering her body shifting, her arm flying out to protect her landing and the baby._

_“The doctor just wants to have a quick look”_

_“Hello Jean, I’m Doctor Moore”_

_When did he arrive? Her thoughts were jumbled, she felt like her body didn’t belong to her, like she was watching from above, then she felt it, the kick of their baby._

_“The baby”_

_“The baby is fine Jean”_

_She sobbed some more, rubbing her bump where a little foot kicked, letting her know he or she was safe inside._

_“Daddy saved you”_

_The doctor moved closer, cautious of Jean’s state of mind, shock still apparent._

_“Where’s Jakob, I need to see Jakob!”_

_“Jean…”_

_“No! no! Tell me where he is!”_

_The doctor dipped his head, he caught her eyes and made her feel safe. He seemed nice, but she needed Jakob still._

_“He was taken straight to theatre after he was stabilised, I don’t have any more information at the moment Jean…”_

_“You need to go find him!”_

_“Jean, I promise I will get an update. I will send nurse Carlton right now” The doctor said softly, eyeing the nurse who scurried away. “You have to let me check you over though”_

_She nodded, accepted she was stuck here. If he was in surgery he would be fixed, they would make him better. She would look after him. He didn’t need to love her back; she would still look after him._

_“Can you raise your right arm Jean?”_

_She did, wincing at the stabbing pain._

_“That’s great Jean”_

_Great…she was in pain, her ribs. She remembered her elbow beneath her, bony and sharp, colliding with her rib._

_“Does this hurt?”_

_“AH!”_

_“Right, looks like you have some bruising down your side, you cut your elbow and arm but that’s all cleaned up now, I can give you some pain relief…”_

_“No, no I’m fine, can I see Jakob now”_

_“Jean, he’s in surgery, I can take you somewhere to wait”_

_She nodded, too tired to fight._

_***_

_The white walls hit her, making her feel sick. The smell of the room made her skin crawl, and her tears sting harder. She sat on the tiny couch, staring at the plastic plant, waiting. She hardly remembered calling Otis and Ola, but when they barrelled through the door in shock, tears wetting Ola’s pretty face, she realised somehow, she had made the call._

_“Jean, what happened?”_

_The question was weighted with desperation, a question she could hardly answer. She wanted to crumble but the minute she held Ola; she knew that wasn’t an option. She had to hold herself together for his girls._

_“Mum, are you okay?”_

_Otis sounded so vulnerable, a worry in his voice she had never heard before. His own eyes teary, although he fought to hold them back. They had fought that morning, arguing once more about the baby, and silly things like who left the butter out, or why Jean made him porridge and not toast. His eyes were so apologetic, so filled with a guilt that Jean hated to see. She didn’t want him to feel guilty for arguing, for struggling to accept the baby. She just wanted to hold him close._

_“I’m okay”_

_He was lanky, practically draped over both Jean and Ola, but she held him. Swallowing a sob, when he placed a hand to her bump for the very first time._

_“The baby is okay too”_

_“Good…that’s good” He whispered, kissing his mum’s hair, ignoring the dried blood from the cut to her hairline._

_“Jean…I called Elena, she’s on her way too”_

_“Good, that’s good darling, she should…she needs to be here”_

_“You’re staying, aren’t you?” Ola asked, her brown orbs pleading._

_Jean caressed Ola’s cheek, her thumb brushing back and forth over the smooth skin, thumbing away the tears that fell._

_“Of course, I am”_

_They sat, waiting for Elena. Otis took the plastic chair, sensing Ola’s need for his mother’s comfort. The clock ticking in time with his knee tap._

_The door opened half an hour later, an older and slightly taller version of Ola standing in the doorway, eyes scanning the room and the two unfamiliar people. Jean and Otis had never met Elena. She lived with a flat mate forty minutes away and had been travelling up until three weeks ago._

_“Olie” The girl sobbed as she crashed next to Ola and held her close._

_Jean covered her mouth, composing herself Infront of the young women. She was so much like her father it hurt. Besides the darker skin, and the beautifully styled hair, her other features were all Jakob. Eye’s brown yet blue, as though the light drew his eyes out of her. Her smile so alike his it was like he had embodied her for a moment._

_“Hi” She choked, her composure suddenly intact, as though a defence masked her true feelings._

_Jean sensed an inner strength in the older Nyman girl that she imagined came from her mother. Jakob and Ola portrayed their emotions more than this girl. The initial shock gone, her strong tough exterior in place._

_“Hi sweetheart”_

_“I erm…congrats on the baby”_

_Blank stares passed between them, the baby. The baby that grew within her belly, that tied the four people currently in the room, together._

_“Thank you”_

_“Dad…erm, Dad has said great things about you”_

_The composure was almost unnerving, like her father wasn’t currently being operated on somewhere on the other side of the hospital, holding onto life by a thread. Jean wanted to shake her, to find the emotion that was there not ten minutes ago, but then her own tears were gone. They couldn’t all fall apart._

_“Your father is a wonderful man”_

_Elena’s eyes grew cold for a moment, and Jean knew Jakob had told her about the kiss that broke them, or at least told her she was to blame. Jean wanted to apologise, to explain, an easy urge to try justifying her actions to the girl she had just met, but then her eyes softened, and Jean took it as forgiveness._

_“Do we know anything?” Elena asked after a few minutes._

_No one spoke, the silence in the room falling all around them as they just waited._


	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The doctor gives Jakob's family news.

“I’m sorry…” Ola sobbed as she tried to control her tears, the doctor’s presence filling her with fear before he even spoke.

Jean held both girls closer and looked Otis for support as each waited with bated breath for the Doctors next words.

“Jakob suffered an internal bleed from the impact, as well as several broken ribs, a broken collar bone and dislocated shoulder and a mild concussion”

“Oh my god”

The words cracked in the air but no one knew who actually said them, the list of injuries making each person feel sick to their core, the world crashing down upon their shoulders.

“We performed surgery to reset his collar bone and shoulder and stopped the bleeding. He will need plenty of rest and will be kept in for observation, but he will make a full recovery”

Sobs of relief filled the room as Ola and Elena collapsed across Jean to hug, before pulling Jean into their embrace. Otis sighed choking back an audible sob of his own as he stood to hug the girls.

“When can we see him?”

“I can take you to see him now, however he will be under sedation for a while longer”

***

The room was brighter than the waiting room, the walls a strange shade of grey but somehow it was offered more comfort. Jean wandered if the walls had once been white and turned grey over time. The window was bigger, the sun trying to break through the rain clouds and brighten a shitty day. She smirked at the plastic flowers, at least they were nicer than before.

“Oh dad…”

“He looks so sad” Elena sighed, memories of her mother lying in a hospital bed hitting her.

“Don’t worry girls, I’m sure he will be smiling when he wakes up” The doctor smiled.

“How long until he’s awake?” Ola asked seriously.

“Could be half an hour, could be longer”

“Can he hear us?”

“Some say yes, can’t hurt to talk to him. I will be in to check on him in a while”

Jean nodded in thanks and leaned into Otis, the two stood away from the bed and the Nyman girls, giving them the space, they needed with their dad. Jean could only imagine the pain they had been through that day the fear of losing their father undoubtably unbearable.

“Do you think we should leave them?” Jean whispered softly so only Otis could hear.

“Don’t you want to be here when Jakob wakes?”

Jean smiled sadly, her head resting on Otis shoulder. She wanted so much to be there for Jakob, but she was afraid of how he would feel. After what he suffered, she imagined he would want his daughters by his side, some time with them, to reassure them that he was okay, and they had not lost him. Especially after losing their mum.

“I’m sure he wants to see Ola and Elena”

“Mum…he will want to know you’re okay to”

“Mmmm, still I think we should give them some space though darling, I am sure the girls will tell him the baby is okay”

Otis nodded, his arm around his mum, reading the pain across her tired face. Her face was bruised and grazed from her own fall, her eyes red from crying.

“Why don’t we just head to the café, we can be close by then”

Jean nodded, gnawing at her lip nervously.

“Girls, were going to go downstairs, we will be in the café if you need us”

“You’re not staying?” Ola asked worriedly.

“I…I think your dad will want to see you girls when he wakes. We will only be downstairs”

Ola nodded sadly knowing her dad would want to see Jean regardless of their relationship status.

“Jean”

“Yes darling?” Jean said from the doorway.

“Dad will want to see you, so…just make sure your close” Ola begged softly.

Jean smiled, a warmth filling her belly and she followed Otis out the room.

***

His head hurt, the pain behind his eyes pounding, his whole-body aching, and his arm felt unnaturally positioned. He could hear voices, muffled and familiar. Ringing in his ears that didn’t go away making him tense tightly. He hurt, but he felt safe with the voices, but one was missing. Straining, he tried to find her voice, but he couldn’t hear her. Where was she? He couldn’t hear beyond the ringing, that car horn was back, playing over and over. He pushed her, she was safe, wasn’t she? Why couldn’t he hear her. His wife. He had seen his wife, so peaceful sending him back to their girls. She wasn’t there though; he couldn’t hear her.

His eyes flickered; the light so bright it hurt. He tried to focus, but it felt blurry. Everything hurt from his head to his toes. The voices grew louder, then he felt them, hands on his own, their faces in his line of sight. His girls.

“Dad!

“Oh my god dad you’re okay, we were so scared”

He tried moving, shuffling up the bed to get comfy, to see them better. To see that they were real.

“Be careful dad, I’ll get the nurse”

“Hmmm” he grumbled, getting comfy one armed.

He realised his right arm was held to his chest in a sling. He remembered the car hitting him he remembered Jean, tears stung his eyes when he thought of her and their unborn baby.

“Good to see you awake Mr Nyman”

Jakob looked at the doctor, his light shining rudely in his eyes. He followed the instructions, listened to his injuries, the rules he had to follow, not really paying attention.

“Girls”

“Dad it’s okay, you don’t need to talk”

“I will check in again later”

Elena thanked the doctor, turning back and sitting on the edge of the bed. Ola the other side.

“You scared us dad”

“I am sorry girls”

“We are just glad you’re okay”

Jakob smiled softly, so pleased to see his girls but he needed to know about Jean and the baby too.

“J..is…”

“Jean and the baby are fine dad” Ola answered, understanding her dads emotional stutter.

Jakob sighed, relief washing over him, the pain in his body numbing, no longer caring about his own hurt, just happy that Jean was okay. He wanted to know where she was, felt a slight sting that she wasn’t there. He knew he shouldn’t expect it, he had told her no, told her there was no them, he couldn’t mess her around.

“Is she at home?” Jakob asked cautiously.

Ola smiled, holding her dads’ hand.

“Jean and Otis are in the café; I think she wanted to give us space…but I know she really wants to see you. I know you guys are broken up dad, but she stayed with us the whole time, she made it better…she is really scared dad” Ola explained, tears rolling down her cheeks.

Jakob bit his lip, wincing slightly as he wiped Ola’s tears.

“I am glad she and the baby are okay” Jakob said softly, not wanting to get his girls hopes up.

Ola looked to her father sadly. She understood where she and her sister got their stubborn nature from. Although she admired her dad’s self-worth, his stubbornness often got in the way of his happiness. She also knew how Jean felt even though she wouldn’t admit it.

“I’m sure Jean will want to see you dad” Elena pushed, she wasn’t sure about any of this relationship, but meeting Jean, she knew she was a good person.

“Hmmm…can you…”

“I’ll tell Otis to bring her back” Ola grinned.

***

Jean felt sick as she stood by Jakob’s door. Ola, Elena and Otis had gone for a walk, leaving her alone with the man she loved. Except she couldn’t tell him she loved him. Her mind raced with what to say. Did she tank him for saving her and the baby, wish him well and be on her way? Was that to informal? He was the baby’s father. Did she offer to stay and fluff his pillow, feed him jelly cups and wet his dry lips with ice? Did she offer to help him mend? No, his girls would be there, but then who would be there for them? Was involving herself in Jakob’s recovery and his daughters to far, was she stepping over a line he had made so clear could never be crossed again? But he had just been hit by a car, and he did push her aside.

“Jean?”

God, he sounded so small. His voice thick and husky, throat no doubt sore, his body achingly painful. It was only when she heard her name again that she realised she had lent against the door hard enough to open it but was not yet visible.

“Jean?”

This time she moved, entered the room, bump first until she could see his face. He looked like normal, except his arm was in a sling and his face was badly hit. His smile was still there though, his eyes still glowing against the dull room.

“Jak…ob”

Struggling to say his voice through tears, Jean paused to control herself. Did she have a right to be so upset, they were over, broken up months ago. She hadn’t hidden her emotions from his girls, but she could blame that on shock and fear for the baby. She couldn’t lie to herself though.

“You okay, are you hurt? The baby, have you been checked over?”

“Ah, erm…”

She couldn’t work out why she couldn’t speak. Why her lips wouldn’t move. Why she hadn’t asked him how he was. She was fine, a bruise and a graze. The baby was happy and healthy and kicking her belly. But Jakob, he was hurt, and he was brave, and he was the most incredible man that ever existed, and she hurt him. She caused him pain and ruined everything she had dreamed of having. His heart was hurt because of her, and now his body. If she hadn’t needed to pee for the hundredth time then they wouldn’t have stopped and they would have been safely in her car, missing the out-of-control car. She should have waited.

“I’m sorry I had to pee”

The words were falling out of her mouth like vomit. Her eyes wide in surprise, confused by herself. She wanted to push them back in, take them back, pick new words.

“Jean, what are you talking about?”

God, he looked so good, even in a hospital gown.

“I had to pee…after the appointment. If I had just waited, then…”

“We would have got to the car and you would change your mind. You would have said you can’t wait, and that you were going to head back in and use the bathroom, and I would have walked you back and we still would have been hit Jean”

Tears stung her eyes painfully, blurring her vision. He didn’t blame her, from his face, it hadn’t even crossed his mind.

“Are you okay Jakob?” Jean finally asked, creeping a little closer to his bed.

She wanted to reach out and touch him, to make it real that he really was there, and he was safe. Her hands caressed her bump instead.

“I am fine Jean, few bumps”

This time the tears didn’t stay at bay, they fell fast, and Jean had to look to the ceiling in an ill-fated attempt at stopping them. Don’t cry, don’t cry.

“It’s okay Jean, I am okay.”

Jean nodded, wiping the tears with the back of her kimono as she took a few deep breaths. Her grazed elbow had bled through the material making Jakob gasp when he saw.

“Your hurt?”

“No, no…it is just a graze”

“That’s a lot of blood for a graze Jean”

Jean smiled a watery smile. It was a lot of blood, more than she wished to see. Her arm had bled a lot, but it was okay now and nothing in comparison to Jakob’s injuries.

“Your head too”

“Just a graze”

Jakob wanted to reach out, brush back her golden hair and kiss it all better. He wanted to hold her and promise he was okay, thank her for looking after his girls.

Before the car hit, he was about to ask if she wanted to get a drink. He wanted to buy her cake and tell her he really did still care. He wanted to tell her how much she meant to him and that he was sorry for letting go. He wanted to talk everything out, he wanted to be angry with her but love her. But he was hurt, and his girls were scared, and he needed to focus on his recovery for the new baby. He had responsibilities, but Jean…she was still…

_Knock Knock_

“Oh great, Mrs Nyman you’re here I…”

“Ah erm, no I’m not…”

“We aren’t...”

“Not erm…I’m not his wife”

“Oh apologise, I just assumed” The doctor started, glancing at Jean’s bump.

“Having a baby together” Jakob supplied, a grin on his face.

“In that case, erm…”

“Oh, I’m Jean”

“Jean, I need to go through somethings with Jakob…”

“Right, sure I will go.”

“No need” Jakob muttered.

“It would actually be good for someone else to listen, care will be needed so even if it is not yourself you can pass it on”

Jean looked between the doctor and Jakob nervously. She felt like she should get his girls, but her legs wouldn’t move, and her lips wouldn’t speak. Instead, she froze, at the end of his bed.

“How are you currently feeling Jakob?”

“Some pain”

Jean frowned and played with the thread bare blanket. Jakob never admitted pain so she knew it must be bad.

“We will get you some more relief shortly. It was a pretty nasty accident so you will be in recovery for a few weeks. You will be kept in hospital for at least another four days for monitoring.”

“Then I can leave, yes?”

“Assuming we are happy with how you’re doing and there’s not complications”

“What complications exactly?” Jean asked softly, finding her voice.

Jakob glared, not interested in knowing.

“It’s mainly to monitor any changes. Surgery like Jakob had required a few days observations to monitor any risk of infection, plus Jakob sustained a head injury albeit mild it is important we keep an eye on any change.”

“I am fine”

“Even so, there is no leaving just yet. When you do however, you will need support. Limit use of stairs where possible, no heavy lifting, you may need help changing and showering while your arm is immobile…”

“I can deal with that, not a problem, what else” Jakob rushed.

“Well, you will need to come back so we can look at the shoulder, you may require some physio. You will likely be off work for three months at a minimum”

Jakob rolled his eyes, he couldn’t afford that kind of time off, but it was pointless to argue.

“Will there be someone who can care for you?” The doctor asked, unsure if Jean fit that position.

“Ahh, yes…” Jakob began, not really wanting his girls to be forced into looking after him.

“I will be there, and his girls” Jean offered, not leaving room for discussion.

“Okay, well I will get you some more pain relief, it’s best you rest up Jakob”

“Thank you”

Jean watched the doctor leave and turned back to Jakob, she knew he would not take resting lightly and would be pushing himself from the moment he was allowed to stand.

“I should go get the girls”

“Yes…Jean…”

“I will make sure they know they can stay with me until you’re out. I will look after them regardless” Jean assured, knowing what Jakob was going to say.

“Thank you, Jean,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As if I'd let Jakob be anything but okay!


	4. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jakob leaves the hospital but has to accept help from the women in his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In my stories when ever referencing the baby I tend to use the same name for consistency the same with the name of Ola's sister. There is no relation between stories though.

The sideways glares and muttered grumbled began the minute she took the right-hand turn towards her house and not the left towards his. The atmosphere had grown colder, and it was only when Jean pulled up that she released she had been holding her breath. 

“Jean”

“Jakob, don’t argue” 

“I said take me to my house, my girls…”

“Are waiting inside” Jean finished, getting out of the car to help Jakob. 

Jakob rolled his eyes, trying to supress the annoyance that bubbled inside, batting at Jean when she opened his car door and tried to help him out. 

“I am fine Jean” 

“Jakob, you have to be careful, your arm is still in a sling…”

“I am okay” 

The tension in his tone forced Jean backwards. Her hormones where all over the place and the past week had been an unnecessary stress on top. With the added pressure of being there for Otis and the girls. She had expected Jakob’s frustration, but she didn’t need it. 

“Please just take my hand” Jean begged softly. 

Jakob’s eyes softened a little and he took hold of her hand, but he still took the brunt of his weight, wincing through the pain and ignoring Jean’s sigh. 

“I am not staying here” 

She could have said something to him then but decided the support of his girls would make this easier. Walking slightly ahead and carrying his few belongings, Jean peered over her shoulder to check he was okay. 

“Stop watching me” 

He was in pain and she could see it, but she didn’t argue. 

***

The girls were sat at the dining table when Jean walked through the door, followed by Jakob. Otis had decided to skip the family discussion, not wishing to interfere. 

“Girls, were not staying, Ola where is the van?” 

“Dad can you just sit down” Elena tried. 

Jean started to make tea and let the girls lead the conversation. The night before, despite telling Jakob they would look after him at their home, they had asked Jean if they could all stay with her. They would do anything for their dad, but to see him in pain and be reminded of nearly losing him without the support of someone older scared them. 

“I want my own bed” Jakob grumbled but he sat down. 

“We realise our house would make you feel better, but we can’t be there to help you all the time, we have school and Elena doesn’t actually live with us anymore” Ola began. 

“I have work too dad” 

Jean set about giving everyone a mug of tea and took a seat. 

“I don’t need much help” 

“That’s not true” Jean spoke, shocked that her thoughts were heard. 

Jakob glared once more, wanting to argue from the frustration. 

“I am not incapable” 

“No, but you have been in a serious accident Jakob. You can’t expect to bounce back straight away and if you try, you’ll do more damage.” Jean reasoned. 

“I will be fine” 

“Dad, please…it’s better if you’re here. Jean can help when we are not around, plus she works from home so if you ever need anything you don’t need to worry.” 

“I am not relying on anyone for help!” 

Ola flinched as Jakob’s voice grew louder. She didn’t like to see her dad mad, but it was something she had seen before. He was a man who would do anything for those he loved, and should the roles be reversed he would have insisted Jean stay with him, or Elena come home, but to accept the help himself, he couldn’t. 

“Don’t raise your voice” Jean whispered, hoping not to start a fight. 

“I will raise my voice if I wish” 

Elena was tapping her fingers against the table, her own inner anger building. She remembered what it was like when her mother died, remembered all the help she and Ola gave to their dad. She knew he didn’t want to become that person again, that he just wanted to be strong but right now he wasn’t, and he needed to accept that. 

“Dad, you’re staying here, it’s not up for discussion. You need help getting up and down stairs, you need to rest, you’re supposed to be in the god damn hospital still but you’re not because your so stubborn. There are things me and Ola do not need to be helping with, like getting you in the bath or shower, so tough, accept the help you’re getting and appreciate Jean!” Elena cried. 

Her words settled like snow falling all around them. Each taking a moment to accept them. Jakob remained silent; his eyes focused on the table, unmoving. 

“Okay” He whispered sadly. 

Jean reached for Ola’s hand, her eyes passing between the girls reassuringly. 

“Why don’t you go catch up with Otis?” Jean suggested. 

Both girls nodded and stood, each hugging and kissing their dad on the cheek, his good arm wrapping round each for a brief moment. A silent apology of sorts. 

Jean felt for Jakob, for the pain he was in and the vulnerability he was currently feeling. She stood too, clearing the mugs in silence.

“I’m sorry Jean, I didn’t mean to snap at you” 

“I know”

Jakob said no more, he stood slowly under Jean watchful eye, and moved to the sofa, relishing in the comfort it offered. 

“I have a few bits to do in the office, just call me if you need to go upstairs…please” 

“I will” 

***

Jakob’s first day staying with Jean passed by relatively uneventful. They didn’t speak much unless it was about the kids or when everyone returned for dinner. The silence was uncomfortable, just strange. They had spent so much time together so intimately, and suddenly they didn’t know what to say. 

The following day, while everyone was out at school or work, Jean suggested Jakob take a bath. She could feel the blush in her own cheeks that mirrored his, it was awkward, but she had seen him naked a thousand times before. 

“Maybe a shower” Jakob mumbled. 

“You could slip” 

“Fine” 

The protest was in his tone but lacked any formation of words. Jean decided the less they talked the better, instead she helped him stand and get to the bathroom, her hand on his lower back guiding him. 

“Jean I…”

Jean smiled softly, the water was running, the bath filling but Jakob was struggling with removing his top. 

“Face me” 

He did, and she blushed further. She felt that excitement in her belly, being so close to him. 

“Lift this arm” 

Carefully she was able to get the t-shirt off, then without thinking she tugged at the sweats he wore on the bottom, blushing even further as he flinched. 

“Sorry…I…”

“It’s okay, erm…I could use the help” 

Jean bowed her head, pulling down his pants before silently asking if she should remove his boxers too. He nodded at looked away, turning to the bath when Jean had finished. 

“I think it should be the right temperature” 

Jakob nodded, lifting himself in with Jean’s help. He had to use her support more than he wanted to, trying to be careful of the baby and her own injuries. Once he was settled Jean said she would leave him for a while then come back and wash his hair. 

When she returned, his eyes were closed, and his face looked peaceful. His hair had grown out and the ends round his neck dipped in the water. 

“You look peaceful” 

“Hmmmm” 

“You erm, ready?” Jean asked nervously. 

“Sure” 

Jean grabbed the jug and started getting all his hair wet, her hand held just above his brow to stop any drops getting in his eyes. There was something about him, hot and wet in her bathtub that just made her melt. She could see her hands shaking and prayed Jakob wouldn’t notice her nerves. She grabbed shampoo and lathered it up, scratching slightly through his hair, massaging his scalp. Being extra careful of his still sore head wound. 

“Mmmm” 

His moan made her thighs shake, her own lips begging to moan at the proximity. The scent of his shampoo filling her nose. She spent longer than necessary with her head massage, but eventually rinsed his hair. 

“Are you okay with the soap?” 

Jakob smiled, a genuine smile for the first time that did little to help the heat building between Jean’s legs. 

“Can you do my back?” 

“Yes” 

Her soft hands caressed his back, working at the tension he carried, massaging and releasing the knots that had formed. He was bent forward, allowing her as much access as possible. Delicate fingers skimmed at his sides, thumbs really working his sore muscles. She was bent so far over the tub, she could practically kiss him, her hot breath against his wet skin.

“Erm, Jean…” 

“Huh?” 

“I think you got it” 

“Right, I erm, you ready to get out?” 

“I ahm…I think I will be okay” 

“Jakob you need to accept my help, you haven’t got the strength right now” 

“Jean” He warned. 

Jean was about to argue but noted the flush of his cheeks and the positioning off his one good hand. 

“Oh” 

He must have really enjoyed her massage, she suddenly felt guilty for putting him in the position of such embarrassment. 

“If you stand behind me, maybe help me to a crouched position?” Jakob suggested realising there was no way he could fully pull himself up. 

Jean nodded and offered her support, averting her eyes from his very obvious erection. She barely caught it, but it was enough to make her even hotter. Once he was in a better position, she passed over a towel and quickly left him to dry off. He insisted he could manage his bottom clothing and Jean didn’t argue. 

***

Jean’s desire for Jakob only grew as the days went on, his anger and frustration also diminished, and he seemed far more appreciative. Their relationship was in a good place and Jean didn’t want to threaten that, but their kids continually choosing to stay elsewhere prompted her to start talking more about their baby and future. 

“So, I was thinking, since we have some time, maybe we should discuss baby names?” Jean suggested. 

Jakob smiled and turned his head, he had thought of a few whiles in the hospital, imagined what it would be like if they had a boy or if they had a girl. 

“Okay”

“Good…erm, well…do you want to start?” Jean asked nervously. 

“No, you start” 

“Oh, well…I wasn’t sure if you wanted to erm, to use a Swedish name or not. I ahm…well, I had a look for some but I…”

“Not Swedish” Jakob grinned. 

“Oh…I don’t mind…”

“Jean, just tell me what names you like” 

“Right, erm…well for a boy I like Oliver and Noah and a girl…I really like Amelie” 

Jakob grinned happily. For all the thinking he had done, all the scenarios, he always came back to one conclusion. Let Jean choose. 

“You choose” 

“Huh?” 

“I said you choose”

“But I want to know what you like too, it’s our baby” 

“Yes, but you are growing our baby, you are going to birth a baby…you are…you just choose, I like all those names” 

“Really?” 

“Yes Jean, it’s important to me” 

Jean smiled a watery smile and nodded softly. 

“I’ll chose the name of the next one” Jakob replied, his face dead serious. 

Jean’s eyes grew wide with panic before Jakob’s lip quivered and broke into a chuckle.

“Not funny” She moaned with a little giggle, smacking his knee softly. 

Something shifted in the moment, something between them. The TV played to itself while their eyes stared at one another, both bright blue, both offering so much love and comfort from just a look. Their bodies shifting closer together as eyes were drawn to lips. Soft red lips that begged to be kissed.


	5. Chapter Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the Kudos!

Jean sat on Maureen’s sofa; the old-fashioned interior making her flashback a few decades to her parents’ house. Jean was certain the fluffy toilet covers once belonged to her nan. 

“Would you like a cake?” Maureen asked, poking her head through the wall cut out. 

“Ahh, yeah why not” 

Maureen joined Jean in an adjoining chair, handing a plate and fork over, her face lit up in a blissfully happy smile. 

“I made it this morning, lemon drizzle” 

“It’s lovely” 

It really was, the tangy lemon bitter yet sweet, melting in Jean’s mouth. She was not a baker herself and had become accustomed to quick easy dinners since her and Jakob split. 

“I really should start baking again, I used to when Otis was small” Jean sighed. 

“Well, I would love to help you, if you’d like” 

“That would be great, I don’t want to be the mum who buys shop brought for the PTA meetings” 

Maureen smiled brightly, a new fixture in her life. Since she split with Michael she had grown as a woman, found all the reasons to love herself and be confident in her body. 

“I really must thank you Jean”

“Oh?”

“You have been a huge help to me the past few months, in finding myself again. I know you’ve had a lot on yourself and I just appreciate the time you make for me; I really value our friendship” 

Jean’s hormones bubbled low inside her, her lashes growing wet as she blinked back tears. The smallest thing set her off now days. 

“Oh Maureen, ahhh I thought these hormones were supposed to get easier in the third trimester” Jean laughed, wiping her eyes.

“Pregnancy causes all kinds of hormones; I remember with both of mine crying over the plants. Michael would say if I cried enough, he wouldn’t need to water them anymore” 

Jean was proud of the journey Maureen had been on, but she knew she missed her husband dearly. 

“Have you and Michael spoken much?” 

“Ahm, a little, I guess. To be honest I feel guilty for it.” 

“Why?” 

“Well, I don’t want to lead him on but…” 

“It’s okay to want to speak. You are still married, and you have two children together. It’s also okay if you want to try again”

“Really?” 

Jean smiled and placed her plate on the side. She brought her hands to her lap, her therapist hat falling into place. 

“Of course, the feelings in a relationship don’t just go away.” Jean began, all to relatable. “You have made things very clear, and you have put yourself first. It’s in your hands Maureen, if you think Michael understands and is willing to work with you to achieve what you both need in the relationship, then there’s no harm in trying” 

Maureen relaxed, exhaling a long held in breath. Her eyes sympathetic to Jean and her own relationship. 

“Do you think, you could help?” Maureen asked cautiously.

“If Michael is in agreement then of course. I am not his favourite person I’m sure, but if the two of you decide you want my help then I will give it” Jean explained softly. 

“What about you Jean?” 

“Me?” 

“Yes Jean, how are you and Jakob?” 

Jean paused to take a breath, closing her eyes as she thought. It was an impossible question to answer. 

“Well, he erm…he’s no longer staying at mine, he’s much better physically and I go with him to physio twice a week. All his injuries have healed well, Ola says he’s still stubborn.” 

“Not that I don’t care about his recovery, but you know that isn’t what I was asking” 

Maureen’s to the point statement made Jean freeze in her seat, wondering where this new Maureen had come from. The straight talking no messing Maureen. 

“There was a couple of moments, but he’s back home now”

“Jean, tell me about them, what happened?” 

Jean laughed inwardly, she felt like a schoolgirl once more, obsessing over a first crush. After the incident in the bath, and the almost kiss on the sofa things between Jean and Jakob had progressed. Lingering looks, small caresses, longer massages in the bath even when Jakob’s arm was freed.

“Well, I guess we almost shared a kiss and then there was lots of unnecessary touching. We erm, we started going on walks, he would put his hand on my lower back. It’s just silly things, Jakob is just like that” 

“Jean, don’t be silly, Jakob is crazy for you”

“I can’t let myself think that” 

“Allow yourself some happiness Jean, you made a mistake, don’t let that one mistake define you”

A smirk crept across Jean’s lips. 

“When did we switch roles?”

“When you stopped taking your own advice. Jean, Jakob accepted your help, he saved you and the baby, he jumped in front of a car for you.” 

“What if it doesn’t mean anything though, what if it is just him being nice” 

“What if it is more though?” 

***

Sweat trickled down Jean’s neck, her skin flushed pink and warm, her head spinning and her chest rising and falling rapidly as she fought to adjust her eyes in the dark room. She looked over at her alarm clock; four thirty am. Nightmares of the car flying towards her and hitting Jakob flooded her mind most nights now. They began shortly after Jakob moved back home. It was like him leaving meant Jean was no longer safe. 

“Don’t be ridiculous Jean” She mumbled to herself. 

Despite the time, she pulled herself from bed, being careful since Otis was still asleep. She tiptoed down the stairs, flicking on the lamp and switching the TV on low. She grabbed a blanket and pulled it round her shoulders before curing up on the sofa. Her phone in hand, she debated texting Jakob. She knew it was ridiculous, it was just her mind messing with her and Jakob would be asleep. Plus, she had no right to text him. 

“Mum?”

“Oh Otis!” Jean cried, surprised by Otis on the stairs. 

“Why are you awake, are you okay?”

“Yes, darling I’m fine, just couldn’t sleep” 

“Me either” 

Jean smiled and pulled back the blanket, letting Otis join her. She knew he was lying, and she had no doubt woken him with her heavier footing, but she was secretly pleased with the company. 

“Not long till the baby gets here then” Otis whispered. 

“No, about eight and a half weeks” 

“Will Jakob come and stay again do you think?” 

Jean felt that tug in her gut, a small hope. 

“I don’t know sweetheart”

“But you guys are good, right? You seemed…I don’t know, closer lately” 

“Yes, we are all good” 

Otis fumbled with the blanket, twisting it between his fingers nervously, his lip tugged between his teeth. 

“Mum” 

“Yes” 

“I don’t want you to be sad, you know when Jakob has the baby. I know we have always been together, even when I saw dad you were there too. I just, I don’t want you to be sad” 

Jean had felt that fear all too often of late. She felt sick at the thought of handing the baby to Jakob for weekends or missing out on first steps or first words. It hurt like hell. But that hell was why she couldn’t risk the relationship she currently had with Jakob. She couldn’t risk messing it up again when they were at a good place. Not that she ever thought Jakob would take their baby away, but if things remained good then maybe they could do things as a family and then she stood more chance of not missing the big moment. 

“I will be sad darling, but so will Jakob when the baby is here. I can’t change what’s happened, but Jakob and I are in a good place” 

“You will always have me” 

“I know darling” 

“Fancy an early morning walk?” Otis suggested, noting the sky lightening outside. 

“That sounds perfect” 

***

The sun rose behind the trees, the sky a peachy pink and the air crisp. Jean tugged her coat around her tighter relishing in the warmth it provided. 

“This may be my favourite time of day now” Jean grinned inhaling the clean air. 

“It is lovely” Otis agreed, although he wished he had slept in a little longer. 

The road was long and sparse, no cars around for miles. It was a joy of living where they did. Although a fair walk, the walk into town was pleasant. The peace provided was calming to Jean’s mind, and before long she had forgotten the nightmare that woke her so early. 

“You’ve been waking up early every morning mum” 

Jean frowned; she hadn’t realised Otis had noticed. She always tried to stay quiet, sometimes just staying in bed and lying there till her alarm went off. 

“It’s harder to sleep with the baby getting bigger” 

“Mum, you know how you say I always look like dad when I lie, and you can tell?”

“Hmm” 

“You avoid my eyes and look down to the right when you lie, you just did it” 

Jean almost had to smile; she didn’t realise how much Otis paid attention. 

“Sweetheart, if you’re worried about me then don’t, I’m fine”

The wind whistled softly, Jean’s ears pricking to listen to the soft tune it created. The pretty birds chirping, adding to the melody. 

“It started when Jakob moved back home” 

“What, darling no…”

“Yes mum. The first night after Jakob went home to hardly slept. Then I heard you scream in your sleep, multiple times, before you then just started waking up early. You’re having nightmares about the accident, aren’t you?” 

Jean sighed, stopping and holding Otis hands in hers. Partly needing his comfort, and partly because her feet were now aching, and her back was growing stiff. 

“It’s quite common for someone involved in an accident to, struggle sleeping. I am okay though, it will pass. Being heavily pregnant doesn’t help either” 

“Should you speak with a doctor?” 

“No darling, I promise you Otis, you don’t need to worry about me” 

Otis forced a smile, unconvinced by his mums promise. He wished she would learn to look after herself better, to take her own advice. He knew she was worried about the baby and Jakob and how they were going to blend their little family, but she wouldn’t open up. 

“Mum”

He had an idea, one he wasn’t sure would work, but an idea none the less. He had spent years with his mum making him uncomfortable, talking about sex until he got so fed up, he would eventually offer her some information, even if they didn’t discuss in detail. Jean had taught him well, he ran a clinic after all, so now he would play her at her own game. 

“Otis?” 

“Did you and Jakob not think to use a condom when you had sex?” 

“What! Otis, I …don’t ask me that please” 

“The pill? Are you not on the pill. It works both way you know?” 

“Otis!” 

“Or if the condom broke, did you not check to see if Jakob’s sperm…”

“Okay, woah! Otis where has this come from?” 

“And do you feel you are lacking a man in your life, are you missing Jakob’s touch and…”

“Right, if you are trying to therapies me…”

“Like you therapy me?” 

“Darling, I thought we were having a nice morning walk?” 

“We are, but you won’t open up about what’s scaring you and I know it’s more than just nightmares, I know how to read people, I learnt it from you.”

“But…”

“So, we are going to go and have tea and some breakfast in the café, and you are going to talk to me” 

Jean was stunned, her mouth agape as her mind took in everything Otis had just rattled off. She was embarrassed by the sex talk, and shocked by his tone but she was so beyond proud. Before she could comprehend all he said, he was opening a door and leading her into the café.


	6. Chapter Six

Jean and Otis early morning walks had become a bit of a thing the past few weeks. Jean would wake early, have tea and Otis would follow shortly after. They would go for a long walk and on school days Otis would grab a takeaway tea and head to school, while Jean would often meet Maureen for breakfast. Despite how tired Otis was, it seemed to make Jean happy. 

After grabbing his tea and saying bye to Jean and Maureen, Otis headed off on his own. He had decided to skip school for the morning and pay a visit to Jakob instead. His mum’s stubbornness to speak openly with Jakob was bothering him and he had enough. He stood outside the front door, hand hovering on the knocker, a wave of hesitation washing over him. He knocked twice, and stepped back, wandering if Jakob would even be home. 

“Otis?” 

“AH, hi…hello” Otis greeted awkwardly. 

“Is everything okay?” Jakob asked curiously, noting Jean was absent from the impromptu visit. 

“Yes, I erm…I wanted to talk to you about mum” 

“Oh, okay come on in” 

Otis followed Jakob into the house, declining the offer for tea and taking a seat on the sofa. 

“Is your mum okay?” 

“Oh yeah, sort of” 

“Otis?” 

“I just…maybe don’t tell her I came here. I had to force her to open up and I know she will be furious if she knows I told you about everything she’s worried about” 

“Okay, why is Jean worried?” 

“Well…you know you saw us in the coffee shop” 

“Yes”

“Mum…we go a lot now, in the mornings, really early” Otis rambled, unsure what backstory Jakob needed. 

“Right” 

“Mum’s having nightmares, about the accident…and what happened with you too. They started after you left and moved back home, I guess she maybe felt safe knowing you were in the house I don’t know but she isn’t sleeping, and I can see in her face how tired she is. So, I thought I’d try talking to her because she’s been off, like things are bothering her more than usual, and you know mum she can give advice, but she can’t take it and she’s stubborn and…” Otis spewed, taking a second to breath. 

Jakob frowned as he tried to take everything Otis said in.

“Anyway I basically therapized her and made her open up to me and she’s worried about loads, like giving birth because she’s scared to do it alone and I told her you ll be there but she said she didn’t know if you would want to be in the room and that if you are you may not feel comfortable to hold her hand and I told her that’s ridiculous because you’re a great person and I know you still care about my mum even if you don’t love her anymore but she still thinks she can’t ask you to hold her hand in the delivery room and she’s really scared to do it alone.”

“Oh”

“There’s more” Otis said, holding up a hand. 

Jakob sat back, his belly doing somersaults thinking about all the worries Jean had going through her mind. 

“She thinks the baby will hate her. That one day the baby will ask her why you guys aren’t together, and she will have to say that she cheated and hurt you and the baby will be mad at her and she will lose that bond or something, because she asked me if I hated my dad for cheating, but I didn’t know about her fears, so I said I didn’t hate him, but I hated the choices he made, and I think I made mum feel worse. Jakob she’s really scared, and she is scared of how she will cope when you have the baby. My mum is never scared but she’s afraid to be alone and I know you must think that’s crazy because mum basically pushed you away because she was so used to being alone, but she just didn’t know how to deal with how she felt. I know this is a lot to take in and you probably can’t fix it all and maybe it shouldn’t be your problem I don’t know, but if you can maybe reassure her or at least hold her hand because I don’t think I can watch her give birth” 

Otis gasped for air as he finished talking, his palms sweaty with nerves from ratting his speech. He wanted his mum to smile again, to be happy and the only person that could do that was Jakob. 

“That is a lot” 

“I know, I’m sorry maybe I shouldn’t have come, that wasn’t fair” 

“No, Otis I am glad you come to me. Your mother is a pain in my ass, she doesn’t communicate when it’s about her feelings” 

“I know she’s made some maybe not great choices, but in her defence, I think my dad is to blame for how she is. He made her afraid to be open” 

“I know, Otis…I will need to talk to your mum, I can try keep you out of it, but you have told me a lot of things I need to address with her” 

“I know” 

Jakob ran his hands down his tired face, he had been missing Jean greatly since moving back home. Her help and been appreciated but he just missed being around her. His injuries gave them a reason to maintain distance, but they kept having moments. He wished he had taken her lips that night or held her hand when he had the chance. 

“Leave it with me Otis” 

As the two stood to say goodbye, Jakob’s phone rang. 

***

Breakfast with Maureen had become a pleasant tradition in the week. Most Tuesdays and Fridays a nice way to start the day. Today was Friday, they had enjoyed a lovely breakfast, a few hot drinks and had made their way back to Jeans. Usually they went to Maureen’s, it being closer, but Jean wanted to show off the nursery. 

“Oh, this brings back memories” 

Jean smiled proudly, the room was decorated with neutral colours, accents of yellows and greens, teddy bears and baby soft blankets. 

“Jakob helped…when he was here. He erm, he put the crib together. Me and Otis painted it all and decorated” 

“It’s lovely Jean, I remember when Adam was small, Michael wanted to re-use toys that Jessica had but I insisted he had something new. I ended up painting elephants on the walls and buys elephant toys, tigers, lions even a penguin. The room looked like a zoo” 

“Sound perfect to me” 

“I loved it” 

“I haven’t seen what Jakob has done at his place” 

“I’m sure he’s made it nice” Maureen offered; unsure what Jean wanted to hear. 

“He had probably made the crib from scratch” 

“It’s not a competition Jean” 

“I know…I just, I hope what I provide is…Oh I’m being silly” 

Maureen placed a comforting hand on Jean’s lower back, rubbing softy with a gentle touch. Her face bright and sunny, not allowing any negativity to invade the room. 

“Jean, you’ve looked really tired of late, is everything okay?” 

“Yes yes, oh I’m fine, you know how it is, the last couple of months” 

“I remember, Adam was a nightmare, never let me sleep” 

“I don’t remember Otis being this bad” 

“Every child is different, Jessica hardly moved, she gave me fear everyday” 

“This little one had been a bundle of energy lately” 

“Maybe he or she is getting ready to make their arrival?” 

“Oh, I have a few more weeks yet” 

Jean smiled, caressing her stomach. Baby had been moving loads, kicking often and bouncing on her bladder. It gave Jean hope that everything was incredibly healthy with the baby. She had another four weeks until her due date, although part of her was relieved she had carried for this long, considering her age, she hoped the baby was hold on in for a while longer. 

“Have you got a birthing plan?” 

“Erm…no, I haven’t planned anything” Jean admitted sadly. “I haven’t spoken to Jakob; I don’t know what involvement he will have” 

“Do you want him with you?” 

“Yes, but I don’t know how to ask him…we are no longer together, how to I speak to my ex-boyfriend and ask him to be there while I birth our child when we are not an item…I just don’t know what I should expect” 

“Oh Jean, Jakob will be with you I’m sure of it” 

“That’s what Otis said, he’s a good man but I don’t want to…I don’t know, pressure him into being their” 

“Jean, I think you need to decide soon” 

“I have time” 

“No, Jean…your water just broke!”


	7. Chapter Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My medical knowledge is limited, a bit of googling and some stories I've heard have contributed to this chapter. Apologise if there are inaccuracies.

The bleeping of machines, bright lights and that all too familiar hospital smell haunted Jean as she lay on the bed. Her head replaying Jakob’s time in hospital months before. Her Doctor was talking with a midwife, looking at a machine and making notes, while Jean’s heart raced quicker. Maureen held her hand, trying to offer words of calm to her friend. 

“Where is he? You called him yes?” Jean asked for the third time. 

“Yes Jean, Jakob is on his way, as are Otis and Ola” 

“Mmmm okay” 

“Just try and take some calming breaths” 

“I can’t be calm, it’s too early, the babies not ready yet”

“Jean, I don’t think you have a choice” 

Jean groaned in annoyance, the contractions growing closer together by each passing minute. At first, she was shocked at how fast the process was going, but when she was asked by the doctor when they started, she was forced to think to that morning, when a dull ache began on her walk. 

“Jean, how are you feeling?” 

“I don’t know” 

“Okay, I’m going to give you an exam, see how far along you are” 

“But it’s too early! I have another four weeks” 

The doctor placed a hand of comfort on Jean’s ankle, as she helped position her legs. 

“Jean it’s not unusual for a baby to make an early appearance, and we discussed your age as a factor” 

“Stop reminding me I’m old!” Jean cried but she didn’t mean it. 

Maureen and the doctor shared a chuckle, as the internal check was completed. 

“Okay, well looks like you’re coming along nicely, five centimetres” 

“Only five?” 

“That’s quite a bit considering you only arrived an hour ago” 

“Ahhmm” Jean breathed painfully. 

“We can discuss the epidural…”

“No, no I’m not having an epidural” 

“Okay Jean, that’s fine” 

Jean groaned uncomfortably, holding onto Maureen as tears slipped from her eyes. She was beginning to feel the weight of this birth, the fear of what she was experiencing and still had to do. It was only early afternoon, and it was unlikely this baby would be making an appearance till late tonight or even early tomorrow morning. 

“Please find Jakob” Jean sobbed. 

Maureen didn’t want to let go of Jean, but her eyes pleaded with her to find Jakob and Otis. 

“I will have to let go of your hand Jean” 

“No, no you can’t leave me” 

“Okay, I will stay right here” 

“Hmmm okay…I just hope he gets here soon” 

***

It was shortly after a full-blown melt down, sobbing and clinging to Maureen that Jakob finally arrived, cursing about the traffic and stopping to collect Ola and Elena. The relief washed over Jean when she saw him, her tears still falling but a sense of ease making her a little more relaxed. 

“You’re here” She exhaled, already tired. 

Maureen and Jakob exchanged a look and smile as they swapped places. 

Would you like me to hang around Jean?” 

“Oh, you don’t need to do that” Jean sighed, although she did really want Maureen to stay close. 

Maureen sensed Jean’s hesitation. 

“How about I go and change, and Otis could update me, I will come back with some food for the kids” 

“Will you really?” 

“Of course, Jean”

With Maureen gone, Jean was missing a hand to hold. Jakob was stood close to the bed, his hands fumbling awkwardly, desperate to reach out. 

“Why was Otis with you?” Jean asked through pain, surprised when Maureen had told her they were together. 

“We had a chat” 

“He was supposed to be at school, arghhhh”

Jakob stepped forward, grasping Jean’s hand and wrapping an arm around her shoulders. His eyes melted at the sight of her, his lips curling into a proud smile. 

“I’m going to hold your hand the whole time Jean, I’m here okay, were doing this together” 

Jean sobbed against his chest, relieved to hear him say that. She knew Otis had spoken to him, and although she wished she had done it herself; she was also pleased. 

“I’m scared Jakob” 

The words slipped from her lips so delicately, with such vulnerability that Jakob’s heart broke. He was scared too, but he couldn’t let Jean know that. 

“You don’t need to worry Jean; we will make this work” 

Although Jean couldn’t be sure if Jakob was referring to them or their family as a whole, his words did provide the comfort she needed.

***

The doctor rubbed Jean’s arm softly as she monitored the screen, her lips pulled between her teeth in thought. 

“Jean, I’m going to move you to your side. Baby is showing an unusual heart rate. There’s no need to panic, it’s quite common, we just need to get a new position that will give the baby a better blood flow” 

“Oh god, I told you the baby isn’t ready, it’s too early” 

“I think baby is very ready Jean, four weeks is not uncommon.” 

Jakob helped the doctor roll Jean to her side, his calloused hands gently brushing her sweaty hair from her eyes, his other hand still holding hers.

“It hurts” Jean whined; her body exhausted already. 

Jakob pulled up a seat, earning a glare from Jean for loosening his grip to drag the chair over. He sat down and rested his forehead against hers, rubbing soft circles on any skin he could reach. His lips were so close to hers. 

“Sssshhh it’s okay Jean, keep breathing, you’re alright, so is our baby. Our big babies are outside waiting, you’re doing amazing” 

Jean’s heart raced, her hand reaching out to hold Jakob’s neck softly, trying very hard not to squeeze when another contraction hit. 

“I’m sorry Jakob, for hurting you” Jean sobbed, wiping her tears on the pillow. 

“Oh Jean, shhh not now, it’s okay” 

“No, it’s not, I hate myself for hurting you…I hate myself”

“No, Jean you look at me” Jakob warned, tilting up her chin. “Don’t you dare, don’t hate yourself, never say that again Jean” 

“But…”

“Sssshhh” Jakob hushed, his lips leaning in to softly brush hers. “We’re going to be okay; our baby is going to be okay” 

“Please, Jakob…please give me another chance” 

Jakob didn’t answer with words, another contraction taking over Jean’s body. Instead, he waited until she could breathe again, then he captured her lips in a loving kiss that spoke more than any words ever could. 

***

Jean bores down, her knees up at her side, Jakob’s hand firmly supporting her back and his other hand holding hers. Her face scrunched up tight, brow furrowed, sweat rolling down her face, hair plastered to her neck. 

“I can’t do this anymore” She cried, her voice cracking. 

The babies heart rate had been a concern, although stabled, there was every chance it could drop again. Jean really wanted to avoid a c-section. 

“Jean, you’ve got to keep going, you can’t stop now” The doctor between her legs said. 

“Ahhhhhhhhh!” 

“That’s its Jean, come on, let’s meet our baby” 

“I can’t” 

Jean was exhausted, she hadn’t got any sleep, she was so tired she wasn’t sure she could continue. 

“EHHHHHH AHHHHMMMM” 

“Heart rates dropping” The midwife whispered. 

Jean and Jakob both felt the panic rise in their chests. They only wanted their baby to be safe and health, but baby was in the birth canal, Jean had to push. 

“Jean, baby’s heart rate is dropping, we don’t want an emergency c-section, your so close but you’ve got to give me some big pushed” 

“Ahhhhhhh, save our baby!” Jean sobbed as she pushed. 

“That’s great Jean, I can see the head” 

“Mmmmmmahahhhhhhhh!” 

“Come on Jean, deep breath and another big push for me” 

“You can do this Jean, I’ve got you” Jakob whispered into her ear, holding her close to his chest for support. 

“AHHHHHHHH” 

“One more for me Jean!” 

“I can’t!” 

“You can Jean, we need to get baby out, one more push Jean” 

Her heart was beating so fast she thought it would explode from her chest, she was hot and sweaty, exhausted. She had never felt pain and fear quiet like it, tears streaming down her face. 

“Come on Jean” 

“AHHHHHHMMMMMMMMM!!!!”

The doctor pulled the baby out, a midwife working to clear the airways. The room filled with an intense silence. 

“Wahhhhh!” 

“You have a baby girl” 

Jean cried into Jakob’s arms, relief washing over her at her baby’s cries. The midwife placing the baby onto her chest, still cleaning her up as Jean held her to her bare chest. 

***

Otis, Ola and Elena joined their parents in the room, each bubbling with excitement to meet their baby sister. They were all well fed thanks to Maureen, who had headed back home and would visit soon. 

“Oh, she’s tiny!” 

“She looks like you Jean” 

“Why is she so wrinkly?” Otis asked, unsure what to make of the tiny baby. 

“Otis!” Ola cried, having just warned him to be nice. 

“I just…I’ve never really seen a baby, this close” 

Jean smiled through obviously tired eyes. Reaching out to hold Otis hand as a proud smile replaced his initial unease. 

“I guess she’s kina of cute” he mumbled, hugging Jean best he could. 

The girls hugged their dad and Jean, both fighting over who got too old the baby first. Otis happily waited, content to just watch and let it all sink in. 

“Are you okay mum?” 

“Hmmm, sleepy” 

“She just needs rest” Jakob added, not wanting to worry Otis, who looked scared of everything. 

“I can’t believe how long it took” 

“It was far quicker than Elena” Jakob grinned, remembering the day his eldest finally made an appearance. 

Otis didn’t say anything, his eyes wide with shock that a labour could last any longer than the one his mum just went through. 

“Would you like to hold her now Otis?” Ola asked. 

“Ermm…”

“She wants to meet her big brother” Jean smiled, her words hardly forming from exhaustion. 

Otis nodded in fear, but before he could think, Ola was handing him the tiny bundle. 

“She’s moving, is that normal?” Otis panicked. 

“She is getting comfy” Jakob grinned. 

“But, what if…what if she wriggles away?” 

“You don’t let go” Jakob warned, a false seriousness in his voice. 

Otis just nodded, eyeing the tiny baby girl in his arms. She looked a lot like Jean, with eyes so blue they outshone his own and Jakob’s combined. 

“Does she have a name?” 

Jakob looked to Jean, she was struggling to keep her eyes open, and he was in no rush to settle on a name. He knew he would let Jean have the final say. 

“There’s no rush, she will have a name soon” 

Otis began to settle with the baby, gently bopping her in his arms, while Ola and Elena hovered close by. The three older siblings stayed that way, Jakob taking the opportunity for a photo. He smiled happily, feeling more content than he had in months. 

“She will be very spoilt” He muttered, turning to look at Jean. 

“Mmmm” 

“Jean are you okay?”

The older kids stopped and looked to Jean; Jakob suddenly stood brushing her hair from her ghostly pale face. 

“Jean, Jean what’s wrong?” 

“I don’t feel well” 

Jakob ran from the room to get a nurse, a team rushing back in as Jean suddenly stopped talking, a now obvious puddle of blood growing and spreading on the bed. 

“What’s happening?” Jakob panicked, pulled back by Elena. 

Otis still held the baby, his worst fears playing out before his eyes. He pulled the baby closer to his chest, subconsciously doing everything he could to protect her. 

“Stay back please” A doctor instructed. 

One doctor had slammed an alarm and now the room was filled with doctors and nurses. Some were injecting Jean; some were hooking her to drips and others were suddenly pulling clots from her.

“Jean it’s okay!” Jakob cried, crumbling to the floor in a heap. 

Tears cascading down everyone’s cheeks, legs shaking and unsteady. Elena and Ola comforting their dad, Otis cradling their baby sister. The room buzzing with noise and then suddenly silent, as Jean was whisked off to surgery.


	8. Chapter Eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys still enjoy this! Again I lack hospital knowledge so sorry for mistakes.

Tick, tick, tick, tick. Otis glanced at the clock for the hundredth time, the constant tick tick ringing through his ears. He felt shaky and weak, sick to his stomach. He didn’t know what life was without his mum. It always had been the two of them. He looked to his left, Jakob still had his head in his hands, elbows on his knees and body slouched. Elena rested a hand on his back, her head thrown back against the uncomfortable sofa. Ola held the unnamed baby girl in her arms, softly humming a lullaby. 

“Mum used to sing that lullaby to me” Otis said softly, his voice hoarse from his earlier tears. 

Ola smiled but said nothing. Jakob didn’t even flinch, and Elena seemed to have dozed off. Otis hadn’t really expected an answer. 

“I erm…I’m going to get some air” Otis whispered, needing to escape the claustrophobic room. 

Jakob moved suddenly, almost bolt upright, his spine crunching as he did. His eyes were red and bleary, his skin an ash grey from worry. 

“Can I join you?” He asked almost timidly. 

Otis simply nodded and smiled. Jakob kissed all his girls, and promised to be back shortly, with strict instructions to protect baby girl. 

***

It was sunny outside, the sky so blue, not a cloud in the sky. It was brought an air of positivity that Otis decided to hold onto. The light breeze helped him calm his racing heart, his palms no longer sweaty. Jakob walked alongside him in silence, a firm hand on his shoulder protectively. 

“Mum will be okay, wont she?” 

Jakob sighed and lead Otis to a bench, the sun beating down on them, while the breeze blew gently in their hair. 

“I can’t promise you that Otis” Jakob sighed sadly. “But I can promise you that I will look after you if…just know were family” Jakob croaked, his voice cracking vulnerably. 

Otis nodded in understanding, unable to form a sentence to express his gratitude. He lent into Jakob, a nudge of acknowledgment. 

The two sat in silence for a while, just observing the birds. 

“I…I don’t know what I’ll do if something happens to mum”

Jakob sighed and tried to compose himself. He was trying his hardest to ignore the memories of losing his wife, of being widowed and raising their girls. 

“We have to be positive” 

“There was so much blood” 

“Haemorrhages happen, the doctors know what they are doing” Jakob tried to comfort but he only felt sick from the images in his mind. 

“I just…” 

“Otis, I can’t let myself think of a life without your mum. I cannot think that way, so you can’t either because she is going to be okay” Jakob said calmly but firmly.

Otis nodded, he understood. 

“Mum never told me what names she liked, for the baby” 

“Hmmm…we only had a short discussion. I told her to pick.” Jakob sighed, wishing they had agreed on something. 

“Oh…will you tell me?” 

Jakob smiled; he had thought about the name Amelie since Jean mentioned it. It sounded slightly harsh when he first said it to himself, his accent thick and gravely. He practiced every night, softening his vowels. He had grown to adore the name, he only imagined she was his Amelie. 

“Amelie” 

Otis grinned, a tear falling from his eye. 

“Mum told me once, if I had been a girl, I was going to be called Kacey. Mum hated it, but my dad had insisted on it. She said he wouldn’t budge, that he hated the name she loved.” 

“Amelie?” 

“Exactly” 

Jakob smiled, tears welling in his eyes. 

“We have our Amelie” 

***

When Jakob and Otis returned to the waiting room, Ola and Elena were struggling with a screaming baby. Jakob rushed to take her, cradling her to his chest. 

“She just wouldn’t stop dad”

“Ssshhh…it’s okay girls, she wants her mummy” 

“The doctor hasn’t come down yet” Ola sighed. 

“I need a nurse” 

“Dad what’s wrong?” 

“Nothing, Amelie needs a bottle”

“Amelie?” The girls asked. 

“Yes, she’s Amelie”

Otis grinned proudly, pleased that his mum finally got the name she had always wanted. 

“Ahhh Amelie, baby girl sshhh” 

As Jakob continued to coo at the baby, softly rubbing her back and she cried, a nurse appeared out of nowhere, a bottle in hand. 

“Is our littlest member hungry?” The nursed asked, her voice squeaky. 

“I think so” 

Jakob sat in the chair, manoeuvring Amelie so he could hold her in the right position. In the few hours she had been in their lives, she had already proved to be a great feeder, something Jakob was grateful for considering her lithe weight. 

“Will it matter than she has formula, if…” Jakob began, unable to finish his question, unknowing of Jean’s condition. 

The nurse was friendly, her smile bright and relaxing. She knew what he was asking. 

“Jean will be able to breastfeed when gets back down here” 

“Hmmm okay, thank you” 

Otis stepped forward, sensing Jakob’s unsaid question. 

“Do you think we could get an update?” 

“I will go and personally find out what’s going on”

***

She was itchy, so itchy. Her neck felt stiff, unnaturally positioned against a lumpy pillow. Her eyes were closed but she could sense the rudely bright room. Her throat was dry, and her body ached, her stomach particularly sore. Her hand twitched, another hand on top. 

“Jean?” 

“Mum” 

Her lip curved into a smile. She could hear her boys, their voices mingled with familiar female voices. Her little family were there, waiting for her eyes to open. She felt a lightness inside her, a strange emptiness despite the voices around her. Her baby. Her baby girl, no longer safe inside her. She wanted to feel, her needed to hold her. Did her boys have her baby? 

“My b…ba…by” She croaked, straining to sit up, forced back down by the searing pain. 

“Sssshhh Jean it’s okay, don’t move Jean…she’s here, look she’s here” Jakob soothed. 

There she was her bright blue eyes staring intently into her own. Jean felt her heart swell, her baby girl was safe in her daddy’s arms. 

“Oh…baby” 

Jakob carefully rested Amelie on Jean’s chest, their little girl snuggling into her mother’s embrace, the familiarity of her scent, the touch of her skin, immediately soothing the restless baby.

“Jean you had us so worried” 

“What happened?” Jean asked, confused and lacking memory. 

“Mum it was awful” Otis almost cried, stressed and relieved at the same time. 

“Oh darling, I’m okay” Jean assured, although she wasn’t totally sure if that was true. 

The doctor entered the room at the sound off chatter. A happy smile on his face at seeing the family together. 

“Good to see you awake Jean” 

“Hmmm, I don’t remember what happened to me?” 

“You had a haemorrhage; it happens when the placenta doesn’t come away in full. You scared us all for a while, but surgery went very well” 

“That’s good…I’m okay then?” Jean asked worriedly.

“Yes Jean, you are all good. You will be very sore for a while yet though. No lifting and no driving. You will be given iron tablets and I suggest eating food with iron, you lost a lot of blood. You may also suffer with constipation so plenty of fibre.”

Jean blushed a little at the last part but knew it was not something to be embarrassed about. She had been here before with Otis. 

“She will be well looked after” Jakob assured. 

“Well, a few days in the hospital will be required but you will be able to go home to your beautiful baby girl very soon” 

Jean felt like her body was on fire, she felt pain all over and ridiculously hormonal. She had all eyes on her, and she felt totally exposed. 

“I erm…I named her” Jakob whispered, feeling suddenly guilty for not waiting for Jean. 

“Oh”

She looked like she was about to cry, and Jakob panicked. He held her cheek softly, his eyes matching hers. 

“Amelie, our Amelie” 

“Oh…really?” 

“Yes Jean” 

Jakob smiled tearfully, brushing away Jean’s own tears. He leant forward to kiss her lips, a soft appropriate kiss to share in front of the older children. 

“So, does this mean you guys are like, together now?” Ola asked eagerly. 

Jean smiled but looked to Jakob for an answer. She didn’t know what to say, despite the obvious signs. 

“Yes, we are a couple” Jakob grinned, his eyes not leaving Jeans. 

Ola grinned and nudged Elena, the girls giggling happily at the news. Otis held his mums’ hand, squeezing reassuringly. 

“I think we should give you guys some space” Elena suggested. 

“Yeah, I could do with a shower, you are coming Otis?” Ola asked

Otis didn’t want to leave his mum, but he knew she was in safe hands and he really needed food. He hoped Maureen might have some leftovers he could grab from hers, she insisted he call when he can. 

“Yes, I’m coming” 

“I will call you guys later” Jakob added as he said his goodbyes. 

As he door shut he turned back to Jean, her face pale and vulnerable, tears filling her eyes and she fell apart, every emotion possible escaping her as she clung to their baby girl.


End file.
